Reflecting on My Journey: Becoming a Better Husband and Father
Jun 05, 2024
Reading John Rosemond's article on the importance of being a great husband to be a great father was a wake-up call for me. It made me realize that I have been prioritizing my kids' needs over my relationship with my wife. Here are five things I’ve been doing that illustrate this:
- Taking My Kids' Side: I often sided with my kids in disagreements, unintentionally undermining my wife.
- Showing Affection to the Kids First: Each morning, I'd hug and kiss my kids without showing the same affection to my wife.
- Allowing Interruptions: I let the kids interrupt my wife, signaling that their words were more important than hers.
- Focusing on Kids' Needs: I thought I was being helpful by focusing on the kids' needs, often overlooking my wife's.
- Losing Sight of Our Affection: Over time, I lost sight of the affection we shared before having kids.
These actions have not only affected my relationship with my wife but also how my children perceive and treat her. Rosemond's article emphasized that kids thrive on the security of knowing their parents have a strong, loving relationship. They need to see that respect and love in action to learn how to treat others.
Steps I’m Taking to Improve
Determined to do better, here’s what I’m committing to:
- Public Affection: I will show more affection to my wife in front of the kids. Simple acts like hugging and kissing her first thing in the morning will set a positive example.
- Defending Her Needs: I will support her needs, especially in front of the kids. They need to see that her well-being is a priority.
- Easing Her Burdens: I’ll be more attentive to the little things that can make her life easier, such as tidying up the living room and tackling the "honey-do" list promptly.
- Reaffirming Her Importance: I will make it clear to the kids that she is the number one priority in our family hierarchy.
- More Date Nights: We will have more date nights to reconnect and strengthen our bond, reminding us of the affection we shared before having kids.
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Why This Matters
This change is crucial not only for my marriage but also for my children’s development. By being a better husband, I am teaching my sons how to treat women with respect and showing my daughters what to look for in a partner. It’s a long-term investment in their emotional and psychological well-being.
Learning From My Mistakes
As I reflect on my actions, I recognize the importance of balance in family dynamics. Taking my kids' side in arguments created an imbalance that not only disrespected my wife but also confused my kids about the proper dynamics of respect and authority in the household. Allowing my kids to interrupt my wife suggested that their needs were more important than hers, diminishing her role and authority.
Neglecting to show affection to my wife first thing in the morning may seem trivial, but it sets a tone for the day. It inadvertently told my kids that they come before my wife, which should never be the case. A healthy family structure should always show that the parents' relationship is paramount. Overlooking my wife's needs by focusing solely on the kids made her feel unsupported and isolated, which is counterproductive to building a strong family unit.
Commitment to Change
Moving forward, my commitment is to not only recognize these missteps but to actively correct them. Showing public affection is a simple yet profound way to demonstrate love and respect. By prioritizing my wife in conversations and interactions, I’m setting a strong example for my kids about respect and love. Supporting her needs in front of the kids shows them the importance of partnership and mutual support.
By addressing her needs and easing her burdens, I'm not just helping her; I'm teaching my kids the value of empathy and cooperation. Reaffirming her importance in the household hierarchy will help the kids understand the structure and respect that needs to be maintained. Lastly, prioritizing date nights is essential. It’s a time for us to reconnect, which in turn strengthens our bond and sets a positive example for our children.
Final Thoughts
Rosemond’s article hit me hard, making me realize I need to do better. It’s never too late to change and improve. By prioritizing my marriage, I believe I will become a better father and provide my children with a solid foundation for their own future relationships. Let’s strive to be the best husbands we can be, for the sake of our wives, our children, and ourselves.
This journey is about more than just making changes—it's about embodying the principles of respect, love, and partnership that will not only improve my marriage but also enrich the lives of my children. By being a better husband, I’m setting the stage for my children to grow up understanding the true meaning of a loving and respectful relationship.
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